Guru Pitka
Jane Bullard
Jacques "Le Coq" Grandé
Darren Roanoke
Prudence
Dick Pants
Coach Punch Cherkov
Rajneesh
Jay Kell
Trent Lueders
Guru Tugginmypuddha
Guru Satchabigknoba
Deepak Chopra
Jessica Simpson
Kanye West
Young Pitka
Cinnabon Cashier
EMT
Frat Guy
Bar Patron
Himself
Lillian Roanoke
Sickly Nerd
Dancer
Nerd
Female Reporter
Assistant Coach
Deepak Early 20's
Indian Man
Young Deepak
Referee
Biker
Uncle Jack
Goal Post Judge
11-Year-Old Girl
Sanjay
DJ
Children's Church Choir
Group Dancer
Oprah Winfrey (voice)
Mariska Hargitay (uncredited)
Val Kilmer (uncredited)